The Memoir of the Tablespoon

Many of you know I have decided to battle Ed with a vengeance. As if this isn't hard enough I have placed myself in another's hands, someone I trust. Someone in which I must confide all my little embarrassments, which leads me to vulnerability. This is as if I wasn't already vulnerable enough losing my best friend (Ed). I am also taking the next step up in the world of healthy eating. I have been a healthy eater for many years but now I am stepping into the world of the unknown. Actually I am not stepping, I leaped.

Through much convincing, coaxing and pleading I have decided to try to cut sugar out of my diet, to the best of my ability. This was not and is not easy. I went a week or two with horrible jonesing. I decided that since I am someone that can't delete foods out of my diet (because that just pushes Ed even more) I would treat myself to a little dessert once a week. Every time I do that I end up jonesing for a couple more days.

That's not the only interesting part of the diminished sugar diet. I have found other positives as well. My body seems to hate when I put sugar back in. I feel achy, irritable, moody and very bloated. I feel like I have literally gained 10lbs overnight. When I keep the sugar out, these symptoms happen much less. Unless I go and beat the crap out of my body lifting weights. :)

My quest to relieve PMDD (Pre-Menstural Dysphoric Disorder, something I have had to deal with for years) has been somewhat relieved by the withdrawal of sugar. The results have been pleasing. Of course not every month has been a ball of joy but I can say within the last three months the symptoms are more tolerable. The best part is my breasts don't triple in size and scream in pain when the wind blows. I'm not trying to be graphic, but I hope if anyone else can benefit from hearing my story, they too might get some relief.

This journey has led me to sign up at a recipe a day site. I wake up every morning and have an email waiting with the new "Recipe of the Day". Of course it's usually something I am not interested in, but it's still a great site that offers plenty of recipes I am willing to try. They offer great recipes of all sorts. Diabetic cooking, quick cooking, light cooking, Holiday cooking and many other dinner ideas. My mind says, "no fat, no sugar, no white food" so I have to do a lot of tweaking to my meals. The other day my husband said to me "Who are you and what have you done to my wife? When did you become such a good cook?" My reply, "What do you mean a good cook?" "You know, the last two weeks!" He has been getting meals of all sorts. All new and within those new meals are lots of interesting stories.

We had a rather extravagant meal last night, at least for us. I made Green Beans with caramelized garlic, a carrot salad dish, Pepper and Garlic-Crusted Tenderloin Steaks with Port Sauce, couscous and pineapple slices. Being that I am allergic to red wines I had to figure out another form of "sauce" to put on the steaks. Being that we didn't have any steak I used pork. I believe all recipes are made to be broken. The most interesting dish happened to be the Green beans with caramelized garlic. This recipe came with a bonus, the making of garlic oil to be used in the future.

Garlic Oil stored for the future may be a common thing to some but a new idea for me. You must keep in mind I have ADD in the kitchen. I don't like to cook, I hate the "first time preparation" of a recipe. I can't concentrate enough and get lost within the recipe and if I am not careful I will accidentally skip the most important step. Through my kitchen adventures I have learned to make popcorn rice and I have burned all sorts of dishes that have left battle wounds on my body, but most importantly I've decided I need a new stove and a whole bunch of new cooking utensils.

The recipe begins. You need a saute pan, 1/2 cup of olive oil and an entire garlic bulb. I, of course, held up the garlic and asked my husband "Is this a bulb?" He smiled and told me yes while nervously sitting in the living room waiting oh, so patiently. So I went for it. I started tearing apart the garlic bulb. I could already see this wasn't going to be easy. Peeling garlic is like trying to open up clam shell packaging. Mind you I have a nine year old that loves to help, this just wasn't the time for him to be puttering about the kitchen. Our kitchen is very small and, need I say more?

OK garlic peeled. I threw the garlic into the oil and I started to see it "cook". Boil? Sizzle? FRY? I thought, "hmmmm they didn't tell me anything about this". I mean what was I thinking? I was heating oil! Should it not fry the item that is applied to it?

So I let it be although I did turn the burner down a bit. I set the timer but forgot to turn it on. Another typical "Blue Eyes in the kitchen" moment. I started to panic as I saw the garlic getting darker and Darker and DARKER. OK it was done and I needed to get 2Tbs out of the "sizzling" oil to use for the rest of the recipe and the remaining oil was to be put in the fridge. Easy right? Not so much.

I wasn't prepared for a place to set the oil nor did I have a Tablespoon out. Imagine digging for a TBS in a junk drawer while holding a pan full of hot oil and rapidly burning garlic. Get the picture? Here I am holding the pan of oil as the garlic was continuing to cook, husband and child in the way and I was beginning to panic. I didn't want to start step one with a dismal failure so I was determined to get this right. I decided on a coffee cup for the oil and finally found the Tablespoon. The garlic was a "bit" darker than it should be but eh, what isn't that I cook? Here we go.

I take the Tablespoon and try to get the oil out. I was being very careful to not spill the hot oil and was having difficulty getting a Tablespoon filled. Finally the spoon filled, I pulled it out of the pan and dumped it into the coffee cup. While pouring that in I noticed something out of the ordinary. My Tablespoon was no longer a spoon. It was deformed, mutated and had strings hanging from it. I had also set the spoon I was using to stir the oil in the pan as I was spooning out the oil. If my Tablespoon was that mutated, what was the spoon in the pan going to look like? I quickly dropped the "Tablespoon" and grabbed the stirring spoon. The stirring spoon had molded to the pan and was stuck.

Hmmmmm, is plastic garlic oil healthy?

Yes folks, I was using plastic in hot oil. I announced from the kitchen "It's time for a trip to the kitchen supply store!" I never knew this new adventure would end up in retail therapy. Maybe eating healthy has more benefits than just a healthy body. Maybe it will replace the need for weekly therapy. I chuckled over all of this and continued to make the rest of the meal. Of course my nerves were a bit shaken, then again with kitchen ADD, they always are.

In the end it was a "success". We sat at the dining room table with the candles lit. My husband was grateful and wanted to eat every morsel I made, even the left overs I planned for his lunch. I had to stop him. I can't help my cooking is so good! To top it off, my son tried half of a pineapple slice.YIPPEE!

OH HEY! I just got a text message from my husband saying his lunch is delicious! Indeed a triumph! Oh wait, he just told me that it's time for some metal measuring spoons and thought it would be a great birthday gift for me. Hmph!

A mutated Tablespoon to triumph!